How to Discipline Children Without Spanking | Parents

How to Discipline Children Without Spanking | Parents

I’m Dr. Ari Brown. Many of us were spanked
as children but that doesn’t make it okay. Let’s discuss why. You are your child’s role
model. So if you think about it, using physical force is the last thing you want your child
to imitate. For example, spanking your child for hitting or kicking is only telling your
child that it is okay to express your frustration by force. You want your child to use his words
not his body to express his feelings. In fact, study show that children who are spanked show
more aggressive behavior than kids whose parents used non-physical discipline methods. Keep
in mind that discipline means to teach. What does spanking teach? It teaches a child to
be afraid of his parents. It teaches a child that his parent will hurt him to keep him
in line. It doesn’t teach the child why the parent has made a rule or limit or how to
act appropriately. The best discipline methods teach children that there are natural consequences
for poor behaviors. For instance, making a bad choice like running in the street means
mom or dad can’t trust you to walk without holding your hand. The next time you think
about spanking your child and we’ve all thought about it at times–consider what you want
your child to learn from your behavior. Remember, you’re the grown up. Don’t resort to acting
like a child. Take the time to learn some positive discipline methods instead of making
a poor parenting choice. If you feel like you’re losing your cool, take a step back
and take a deep cleansing breath. Here some alternatives. Ignore attention-seeking behaviors.
Give attention for good behavior you’d like to see again. Re-direct your child to a more
appropriate activity or behavior. Give your child choices. All things you want her to
do anyway. Teach consequences that make sense for making a bad choice and use time-out for
more serious offenses. Raising kids is the toughest and more satisfying job you’ll ever
have. I hope these tips help you along the way.


  1. Mostly, it's important to know the difference between a spanking and beating the crap out of your kid.

  2. Is there have closed captioned for deaf parent to learn this video? Looking forward to watch this someday when there is available closed captioned for us. Thank you for sharing the video but no closed captioned and hope available soon.

  3. Thank you so much for this informative video. It is much needed in our society. Parents who were spanked say they turned out okay. If you are now an adult and still have not developed the skill of self control you are not okay. You need to work on developing that skill. It is sad that your parents did not teach it to you.

  4. All well and good if you have a reasonable child. I of some kids who drive their parents, day-care staff and other children up the wall. They have no discipline because their parents molly coddle them and never give them a good old fashioned bollocking. Hitting is ineffective. Taking away their favorite things works.

    In my day we'd never dream of giving teachers and parents cheek, either. If you stepped too far out of line you got "6 of the best". Nowadays you can't even give them lines!

  5. This lady is illogical in what she says. I got spanked but I didn't learn that hitting is okay from being spanked. I learned that hitting was okay when I learned the hard way that punching a bully in his face and winning a fight actually stops bullies. I was never picked on again. So if society wants children to stop hitting people, they need to stop the bullies who do it. Not the parents from parenting.

  6. That's kids are beating up parents and teacher you are wrong I would kick my kids ass if they talk back to me

  7. The so called "studies" shes talking about probably came from real child abuse victims and kids who didn't get spanked at all. How about interviewing any CEO or successful figure in this world and I promise you more than 75% of them probably got spanked and whooped when they were younger.

  8. I was spanked and yes I was a very well behaved child but I battled psychological problems as result. I feared my dad and thought he was mean and didn't love me. I also learned to suppress my feelings. As a result, I became a sneaky, people pleaser. sitting down with me and explaining why my behavior was wrong and telling me what to do in the future would have done wonders for me.

  9. Parenting takes a lot of well-balanced thinking. Work and other things can take our focus away from child-rearing, as raising our babies can be a fulltime job more days than not. When kids repeatedly hit or pull on pets, we can only tell kids to "not do that" so many times before you realize that all life needs defending. One or two spankings may take care of it for a moment, but learning is an ongoing process.

    Especially if your animal is defending itself. We have the most mild mannered Yorkie, who has never nipped or growled. He will lick the kid's face to destract them, and then he will run away and try to hide when they persist to bug/hurt him. Our grandson had the priviledge of climbing on a huge dog, that the kids pulled on and bounced on. However, this is not an ideally or a safe way to train a child to live safely amongst animals. Many animals do not want anyone near their face, especially when eating, because they feel that they are challenging them. I've seen to many kids in the news with facial tears. Who's fault is it? The parents or the kids or the animals? Animals, no matter how domesticated, are still unpredictable animals. Kids only learn what their parents and peers teach them. So, parents, it's your job to teach them early on, to respect everyone''s space, and the proper way to introduce themselves and 'live' with animals.

    So, we have tried everything, and one child made the doggy cry for a year. Finally, we've had a week without the dog crying. With persistence and consistency, whatever it may entail – that's parenting made with love.

  10. Hey parents, I found this video. Please watch it. We need to know this info to protect our kids. 
    How Elliot Rodger Retribution is Biggest 3 Psych Diagnosis
    The book is blowing me away. It is changing my whole perspective. 

  11. There is no proof that spanking causes a lower IQ or anything.

    It doesn't teach them to be violent, it doesn't scar children emotionally,it doesn't teach them to be afraid. Its all bunk spread by Hippie PC parents who don't want to bother to discipline their kids

    Many kids are spanked and they are fine.

  12. LOL! That's why we have so many bad spoiled kids these days. Parents just count to 3 or put them in timeout. The younger me would love to have parents like her because I know I could run all over her. But I was disciplined the old fashion way with spankings and I turned out to be respectful, plus my parents didn't spoil me. I know when the time comes to have children, they will be obedient and won't throw tantrums in public. I swear, kids have it made these days. Leave it to the PC society to tell you how to raise your children.

  13. Do you realize not spanking your kids is leading up to the spoiled little brats that think they can tell you what to do and they're the child and you are the adult and you need to step up yes I do give warning first but I do not want my child to be selfish ignorant ready and a bitch so I do think my kid I don't give a f*** what you think so maybe you should reconsider that

  14. I was NOT spanked as a child and guess what? I became a teenager and knew I could walk all over my mom and get my way. I've grown out of it…took a while since that's all I knew but I did. They become defiant when you let them get away with stuff. Time outs were a joke. I'd laugh in my mom's face and get right back up.

  15. When done consistently and are the right time, time outs work. Don't give up. Keep putting them in time out until they cooperate. Don't put them in time out when they won't do something you say though. Take away their privileges and ground them for 2 days after they did what you told them to do. Giving them time out when they refuse to something let's them be lazy. Also, don't hand everything to them. A gift by you every once in a while is fine, but have them work for everything else.


  17. Spanking does teach a lot of things. I dont think that ignoring behavior, redirecting behavior, giving choices or showing time out work

  18. Being a parent changes your approach to all things in life. A child should never experience the kind of emotional pain spanking causes. Now that I am a parent I realized how much pain I endured as a little kid and how tremendous effect it still has now in my adult life. Kids need be kids, a child needs positive direction, opportunity to make good choices without fear, a child should be allowed to FEEL. Parenting is not easy it's a rollercoaster ride but everything is possible with kindness, LOVE will always win!

  19. Richard NOT Kathy– Could it be that this belief is based on the false assumption that every child is exactly the same and a universal standard of discipline IS effective on all children? I suppose laymen like myself should have to remind you that CHILDREN are individuals.Contrary to modern, progressive belief, that is not a bad thing either. What works for one kid does not exactly work for another.I certainly do not believe that spanking should EVER be the first resolve of a parent or custodial guardian. However, I also do not for one moment believe the option should be completely taken off of the table for parents AND educators. Take a look at the sudden explosion in crimes committed by youths today. Just in the last 25 or 30 years their behavior (with some exceptions) has gotten progressively worse. And give kids credit for having some intelligence. Nobody knows how to play the system better than a kid. They know that for the most part no one can spank them anymore, thus leaving no REAL ultimate means for enforcement of rules and at best, time consuming and ineffective means of discipline. When all other avenues are exhausted and proven ineffective, a spanking NOT A BEATING OR ABUSE could be warranted. That does not necessarily constitute child abuse, but inferior minds at CPS and in our laughable judicial system don't know the difference, thanks to people like you who demonize good parents for using that option. There IS a right way and a wrong way to administer it of course. Intelligent people know that. Does it teach a child that hitting is okay? NO, again give em credit for having SOME intelligence that YOU don't have (doctor). It does however teach them that there are unpleasant results for constant disobedience. A spanking today is a lot better than a 10'X 6' prison cell tomorrow. doctor ( and I use this term to address you with great reluctance) you should really get out more. Go see the behavior of today's children at a restaurant, the mall or even the grocery store. Theses new methods of discipline aint working when someone else's lil bundle of joy becomes a thorn in my side, and if you have any sense, which i question, it would irritate you too. An even more disturbing trend though since a good ole fashioned paddling is no longer an option is that now, parents at a loss for an effective medium of discipline are starting to become part of the madness their child exhibits when in public. Thus giving me and everyone else around them a splitting headache. Did you take a correspondence course to become a doctor? If it cost more than a $1.25 you paid toooooooooooooooo Much! Don't take my word for it though. Why don't you go and ask a teacher in the public school system how their stress level has been lately.

  20. I was spanked, and not once for a second did I think my parent hated me. They explained to me why they were spanking me. They taught me I'm result to bad action you get spanked.

  21. I think the violence in black youth is because of poor parenting. Spanking teaches kids to react violently when someone does something you don’t like.

  22. That's a false statement by this person in this video
    She is clearly a anti-spanker
    That doesnt always work
    Time outs don't work
    it's up to parents to discipline their children the way they chose and not this anti-spanker who uses excuses on using spanking will cause frustration and hatred towards pArents

  23. My mind always goes back to spanking the child when they do something wrong. I feel like I need an example of an appropriate response to negative behavior for EVERY negative behavior.

    If anyone can help me, I'd appreciate it. What do I say or do when they hit? What do I say or do when they curse? What do I say or do when they do not come when called?

  24. It is your parental rights and responsibility to discipline your kids even if it means giving them a proper spanking on their butts
    It's not up to this anti-spanking lady to tell you otherwise

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