I Can’t Orgasm From Just Sex | Demystifying The Female Orgasm

I Can’t Orgasm From Just Sex | Demystifying The Female Orgasm


I can’t orgasm from sex alone, either. Penetration by itself doesn’t do it for me. I need external clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pro orgasm… whatever that looks like. Hi, my name is Tori and I am a doctor of physical
therapy who specializes in pelvic dysfunction which means that part of what I treat is sexual dysfunction. I want to address a question that I get in clinic all of the time. That question is: why can’t I orgasm during penetrative sex, is something wrong with me? Should I be able to orgasm during sex, will I ever be able to orgasm during sex? Why have I never been able to? Questions like this. I am so excited to make this video. I am so excited to speak on this topic. So, let me first start by sharing my own personal experience. I can’t orgasm from sex alone, either. Penetration by itself doesn’t do it for me. I need external clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and there’s nothing wrong with me. And there’s nothing wrong with other women that also need some external clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. There’s also nothing wrong with women who
CAN orgasm from penetration alone. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pro orgasm, whatever that looks like. And the research is showing us that this whole idea of there even being two different types of orgasm—this clitoral and vaginal orgasm—isn’t really correct, anyway. I want to tell the story of the female orgasm. I want to break down the research. I want to lay it all out for you So, sit back, relax, get some popcorn, some tea, some coffee, whatever you want. And get excited, because I’m excited. We should start at the very beginning. Where did the idea of these different types of orgasm, this ability to orgasm with penetration/without penetration – where did this even come from? Ironically, this idea came from a man. His name is Sigmund Freud. Freud published his “Three Essays on the
Theory of Sexuality” in 1905. Now, we live in a society that has long been dominated by men studying science. So this isn’t me blaming men for Freud’s theory, but I will say that Freud’s theory is arguably misogynistic. He essentially proposes that there are two
different kinds of orgasm: there is the infantile and immature female orgasm and then there is the mature female orgasm. Now, the infantile or immature orgasm is the clitoral orgasm – the one that’s achieved without penetration, and the mature female orgasm is the one achieved through penetration. This is the vaginal orgasm. So, essentially, according to Freud, the orgasm that women can achieve without men is immature, and the orgasm that women can achieve only with men is mature. A good question is: how impactful was Freud’s theory? Of course the answer is very impactful. Up until the 1960s—as in less than 60 years
ago—there were experts in the field that still believed that would claim that women that couldn’t achieve a vaginal orgasm were immature. So this is the origin story of these two different types of orgasm. Of this idea that women should be able to have an orgasm from vaginal penetration. That this is some sort of mature orgasm. Before we deep dive into the claim that I was making earlier, the most recent research supporting that it doesn’t look like vaginal and clitoral orgasm are two separate phenomena… I want to look at the research that we do have surrounding women and their abilities to orgasm or not orgasm from penetrative sex. So, let’s try to answer the question: How many women can orgasm from vaginal
penetration and vaginal penetration alone? The largest ever study conducted in the United States looking into female sexual pleasure was conducted in June of 2015, published in 2017, and surveyed 1,055
women. And I believe their age ranges were from like 18 to somewhere in the 90s. 18 to 94. I want to pause here and say that this study deserves infinite praise. I am so, so happy that we are studying female pleasure and looking into what it is that makes women feel good. But I think it is really important to point out that this study, the largest ever conducted US study, surveyed 1,055 women. There are 328 million humans, give or take, living in the US right now. In the 2010 census, about 24% or so of those humans were under the age of 18. So, let’s knock 24% off of 328 million
and say that there are around 250 million or so adults living in the US. And let’s assume that half of those adults are women. So, there’s, give or take, 125 million of us adult women living in the US. And 1,055 of us were surveyed in the largest conducted study to date. That’s about 0.000008% of adult women living in the US. Let’s round up and call it 0.00001%, or
one millionth of American women. I want you to think about that next time you feel like something is wrong with you because you aren’t orgasming a certain way. This is not a well studied area. Also, I want you to know that first ever US
conducted survey even looking into sexual behavior was performed in the 1990s. It’s 2019, so that would be less than 30 years of study. Again, this is really not a well studied topic. But back to that really big awesome study that I think deserves a lot of praise. I’ll put it up on the screen right now, but I am going to go ahead and read you some of the results. “While 18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm, 36.6% reported clitoral
stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% indicated
that, while clitoral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if their clitoris
is stimulated during intercourse. Women reported diverse preferences for genital
touch location, pressure, shape, and pattern.” 18.4% of women surveyed reported that vaginal penetration alone is enough for them to orgasm. That’s less than 1 in 5 women. So, is there something wrong with you if you can’t orgasm through vaginal penetration alone? It looks like probably not, it looks like you’re probably in the majority of women! And for those of you that can orgasm from vaginal penetration—hell yeah! Do not be ashamed. I run into this in clinic too. I meet women who feel shameful about being able to have multiple vaginal orgasms. And I know that that’s a topic for a different video, but I just wanted to say if you are one of those women do NOT be ashamed. You deserve to be championed just like the rest of us. This study is probably the closest thing to
a real statistic that we have. And so it looks like not only is it normal to not be able to orgasm through vaginal penetrative sex… but it looks like that’s the case for the majority of women. But still, I run into so many women in clinic who think that something is wrong with them because they can’t achieve orgasm through vaginal penetrative intercourse. Sex can be incredibly pleasurable without
orgasm—it’s okay if a penis can’t “do the trick” like a finger or a tongue or
a toy can. In fact, a different study that was comparing heterosexual women, bisexual women, and lesbian women and their likelihood to orgasm found that lesbian women were significantly more likely to have an orgasm than their heterosexual or bisexual counterparts. So again—it’s okay if a penis can’t
“do the trick” like a toy or a finger or a tongue. It’s probably the norm. Really, it’s all about knowing YOUR anatomy, YOUR body, YOUR preferences, and what works for YOU, and not comparing yourself to some silly external standard that Freud created in 1905. Speaking of knowing what works well for you—one good
option is to take whatever works during masturbation and try to translate that into the bedroom. Think you’re the only woman who doesn’t
self-penetrate during masturbation? I’ve got a quote from a study published
in 2013 investigating female masturbation… for you. “When discussing their processes and techniques
for masturbating, many women reported that they did not self-penetrate with sex toys
or fingers during masturbation but instead relied on fingers and clitoral stimulation. Interestingly, many women believed that most
women self-penetrate during masturbation and that they were unique or abnormal for relying
primarily on clitoral stimulation during masturbation.” Again, the research pointing towards most women
needing more than just vaginal penetration to orgasm. It’s probably the norm. Now, I’ll circle back to what I was talking about in the very beginning of the video about the research that we have supporting that clitoral and vaginal orgasm probably aren’t two different phenomena. At least not from a physiological stand point. Usually vaginal orgasm is used to describe the kind of orgasm that women have with penetrative sex, whereas clitoral orgasm is used to
describe the kind of orgasm that women have with external stimulation to the clitoris, which lives right above the vaginal canal. Fun fact—until the 1990s, it was believed
that this external portion of the clitoris was it—that this was the entire clitoris. This is the 1990s. It’s 2019. As in, in less than 30 years ago it was believed that that was all. But we now know that’s not the case, the clitoris is huge! It wraps around the vagina and the urethra internally! (Side note: I’d be happy to make a video
all about female anatomy—if you’re interested in seeing that, let me know in the comments below!) Anyway, the external parts and the internal parts of the clitoris are made from erectile tissue—which means that they swell with blood when the female is excited just
like the penis swells with blood when a man is excited. And if you think about the clitoris having these internal parts then who is to say that vaginal penetration by itself is only stimulating the vagina? In fact it’s likely stimulating different parts of the clitoris! Nicole Prause is a neuroscientist who recently
co-authored a study investigating is there really a difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm and she found that physiologically there still is no evidence to support that they are two different kinds of orgasms. She was interviewed by ResearchGate and in that interview she says,
“The clitoris and vagina can be distinguished in the somatosensory cortex, or the motor
homunculus on the outside top part of the brain. Some people misinterpreted this as evidence
that these areas can independently generate orgasm. There is not actually any evidence that can
occur. Further, vaginal intercourse always displaces
the clitoris (its legs extend down towards the vaginal opening), so it is impossible
to make this distinction when penetrative intercourse is involved for vaginal orgasms.” In that same interview she also says, “I hope that this study will give women great confidence to not worry about their orgasm source: Just enjoy!” Nicole, me too! With all this in mind, again, it comes down to knowing YOUR anatomy, YOUR body, YOUR preferences, what works for YOU. Last study I’ll mention—because I think
it really supports the idea of you getting to know your own anatomy—it does seem like unique anatomy
plays a roll in a woman’s ability to orgasm from penetration alone. There was study conducted that looked at women’s ability to orgasm through just penetration and compared that to the distance between their external clitorises and their urethra—which,
quickly, just to remind you, the urethra is the tube that connects to the bladder. It is where pee comes out when you urinate. As it turns out, according to this study, women who have a shorter distance between their urethra and their clitoris are more likely to be able to orgasm through just penetration alone. Again! Your anatomy matters—get to know yourself! What does all of this research mean in my
eyes? Let’s let ourselves be different—let’s
let ourselves orgasm individually! Know your body and how it works, and if you
need more than just vaginal penetration to orgasm, tell your partner! It’s not weird, you’re probably in the majority
of women. And it’s not inconvenient—it’s you! It’s how you orgasm! However you get there, that’s the right
way for you! Maybe our obsession with g-spots, and c-spots,
and vaginal orgasms, and clitoral orgasms is too much—maybe we should just call it a female orgasm, in the same way that we just call it a male orgasm. Let’s champion every woman’s individualized orgasm experience in the same way that we champion men’s. Thank you for watching. Given everything that I learned during my research journey, I decided to make a survey. It’s 3 questions long, 2 yes or no questions, 1 open ended question. And it’s just an anonymous collection of data about the female orgasm. Clearly with an anonymous survey on the internet I can’t control for people not taking it seriously or people trolling, But I figured why not try. Why not try to gather some information and see what comes of it! The link to the survey is in the description,
if you have female genitalia and want to participate, that would be amazing! Thank you so much! Whew, feels good to get that information out into the world. Thank you so much again for watching! Like this video, share this video, comment
on this video. I want this to be general, public knowledge! Please be sure to subscribe to my channel
for more content surrounding pelvic health. Ask questions, make suggestions, comment, participate
in the survey if you want to, and I will see you guys in the next one. Bye!

17 comments

  1. I'm no fan of Freud, especially his counterproductive choice of words (e.g. "immature"), but he's right about this. He was simply describing 'conditioning', something both male and female scientists have conclusively confirmed.

    For example, despite symmetrical innervation right-handed women inevitably develop a more sensitive upper-left clitoral quadrant, with left-handed women developing more sensitive upper-right quadrants. This is the result of 100s of hours of ergonomic self-pleasuring.

    The same thing applies to internal stimulation. That is, nearly every woman who has spent 100s of hours combining their normal clitoral stimulation with internal stimulation using tools like njoy wands, chakrubs, fingers and cucumbers have reported achieving orgasms from penetration alone.

    This is because 'conditioning', as summed up by the phrase "neurons that fire together, wire together", causes internal stimulation to piggy-back onto the strong orgasmic pathway that links the clitoral head to the brain's orgasmic reflex. You could do the same with any nerve tissue that shares the same Vagus nerve pathway, including the nipples (e.g. nipple orgasms).

    This didn't used to be an issue. For example, other primates, like bonobos, rub their clits when they're aroused and want to orgasm during copulation. The same thing was done for most of human history, and is currently still done by millions of sexually liberated women. It wasn't until the strong sexual shaming of modern cultures, especially by religion, that most women refrained from self-pleasuring during partnered sex.

    ALL women instinctively want to masturbate during sex, and have no doubt they would achieve orgasm if they did, but most are too embarrassed to do it. And nearly all those who made the plunge not only reported achieving orgasm, but most reported needing to hold off stimulation until their male partners were close, otherwise they would climax before them. And eventually were able to reach orgasm without direct external stimulation.

  2. I appreciate this video. I please ask you to continue making such videos or anything pertaining to your expertise, I enjoy the sources you provided, giving you credibility…and also your doctorate ;D. Thank you for this, as a mid 20 year old, I found this relieving and insightful.

  3. Yes would love to know more of the female internal anatomy. I enjoy how you’re challenging the stereotypes, and how you’re making the female comfortable to be in their own skin… thank you :,).

  4. Great video.

    Yes you should do a video all about the whole structure of the clitoris!

    Its crazy some people still dont know about the internal part.

    I think its pretty awesome dont you think that we have an organ that only exists purely for the purpose of sexual pleasure!

    And to think Freud said us women have penis envy haha.

  5. Your too tense, a few adaptogenic herbal extracts that might help are Rhodiola, for one to increase your inner oxygen saturation, but a company called dragon herbs already makes formulas for increase energy flow in the pelvic regions, they really work
    Also seriously, all your oils consumed in your diet should be cold pressed, and no bleached flours, namaste, Eric

  6. ☀ The Female Orgasm Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6BJWNTX
    ☀ All About The Clitoris: https://youtu.be/BZ4kbOjm-BY 
    ☀ All About The G-Spot: https://youtu.be/pTtT_RyGyb0

    Hello! I know this topic can feel personal — while you are welcome to post any questions/comments on this public forum, you can also e-mail me if you'd rather stay anonymous! I'll do my best to answer, and I will post your comment/question and my answer anonymously below incase someone else has the same question you do ❤

    E-mail: [email protected]

    Thank you for watching!

  7. Are you familiar with male prostate orgasm? I'd like to know more about that, and hopefully I can see your video on this topic.

  8. My opinion (54 year old man). In order for woman to have orgasm, 2 conditions must be fulfilled.
    1) Woman needs to be sexually aroused, this assumes also that she wants it. This can be a long process.
    2) She needs to be stimulated on very specific places:
    a) clitoris
    b) g-spot
    c) deep spot
    Because it is very difficult to stimulate any of these during the penetration, that is the reason for those 18%.
    However, fingers + tounge have much higher succes rate. But often it is not so easy. A lot of love and patience is needed on both parts. Pleasure of the woman should be in the head of the man. Not his own. That comes automatically.
    Probably when woman experiences orgasms in non-penetration way, she can use this knowledge to get the orgasms also during the penetration. Copy and paste.

  9. I am able to orgasm a variety of ways. By breast play alone (until cancer took the most sensitive one), by clitoral stimulation alone, through penetration, through a combination of clitoral and penetration (finger or penis or toy), and I once even had a small orgasm while performing oral and he wasn't even touching me. I was just really enjoying him.

    I also taught myself how to squirt and those orgasms feel differently than the others. It's all very interesting.

    Much of this ability is in the mind, and can be negatively affected by things like nerve damage during childbirth and episiotomy, mental blocks created by rape or heaven forbid molestation as a child. Sadly very common, in men also. Even abusive relationships because that takes the joy out of everything.

  10. Correction..she can't orgasm from penetration via a small white man's penis inside of her. BBC is her answer

  11. Hello Tori. I have a question for you regarding all of this loveliness. I am not ashamed of my situation; I am in fact very (uncomfortably so, for some) open with my sex life an the body parts involved. So while my question may be one many women can relate to, for a variety of reasons, I wanted to ask first if you were fine with correspondence being done in YT comments, or if you would rather it be via email. I am fine either way.

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