Inside Amy Schumer – Dr. Congress


(relaxing music playing) Where’s the doctor? We’re your doctor? No, you’re a bunch
of congressmen. I recognize you. I just need to get
my annual Pap smear. Ew. Do any of you have
any medical training? We’re the House Committee
on Women’s Health. So I think we have
a better idea than a bunch
of science-y nerdles. You mean doctors? Let’s begin. When was the date
of your last lady curse? Two weeks ago,
if you mean my period. Ew. And how many blood diapers
did you use? Tampons? A dozen?
I don’t know. And that is…? Twelve. Now, it says here
you are 34. (Amy)
Yeah. How many children
do you have? None. But it says here
you’re 34. Correct. Are you sexually active? Yeah. And how many children
do you have?! How often do you
and your husband, um…? Oh, I’m not married. Oh, so you’re a virgin. Well… (laughter) Have a lollipop
and run along. No, I’m not a virgin!
I’m just not married! I just need my annual Pap smear
to make sure I’m healthy. I have a family history
of cervical cancer. Ew! How many men have you
laid with in the last year? Sex? Three? Mm-mm-mm. Jesus. Do two of you have like secret
families with your maids? We’re not the ones
on trial here! That’s right, young lady. Okay, okay. Guess we have to do
the vagina-y part. Wha…?
What? What are you doing? Remember… even though
we’re doing this, we are not your boyfriend. What? Scooch down
on the table, put your legs
in those restraints, and present. What?
Wait. I feel a lot more comfortable
with a woman in here. Aren’t there any women on
the Women’s Health Committee? That’d be like letting
the lions run the zoo. (laughter)

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