Key & Peele – Menstruation Orientation – Uncensored


[bright music] [applause]
What if we told y’all
that once a month,
half the human race
is in pain?
And the other half
don’t want to hear shit
about it?
– I’m Shaboots Michaels!
– I’m T-Ray Tombstone!
Welcome to…
(both)
Menstruation Orientation! Oh, no,
you don’t. Now, we know you don’t want
to hear about it. But they don’t
want to have it, so sit your ass down and listen
for once in your life. Today we’re gonna talk
to all you men about what happens to your women
when they’re on their periods and why
it’s important to… (both)
Be sensitive to that shit. Don’t say “chillax,” “relax,”
“calm down,” and “how come?” Don’t say “ass,” “fat,”
“grumpy,” or “cranky.” They ain’t cranky. They got blood coming
out of their vaginas, y’all! That’s some biblical
plague shit, y’all! That would be like
once a month if you had locusts flying
out of your dick for a week! Your ass
wouldn’t be cranky. Your ass
would be like… – Oh, fuck!
[both screaming] – My dick!
[screaming continues] (both)
So be nice to your bitches
when they bleeding! If you ain’t
getting ’em shit… Get the fuck
out they way! – They got cramps!
– They got headaches. They got weight gain! And every time
they pee, it’s likeThe Shining
in the toilet. – Be supportive.
– Be empathetic. But whatever you do… (both)
Do not try to solve it! Don’t even bring
that shit up! When women be
hanging out together, their periods
will sync up. Vaginas
be communicating. They got their own
vagina language. (both)
Talking about… [both speaking gibberish] If you find yourself
around a group of women and they all have
a backache… (both)
Back away slowly. What’s that in your pocket
there, Shaboots? Recognize this,
motherfuckers? That ain’t
space dynamite. That’s a tampon. Learn what your bitch
has to go through. First, you put
this piece in your vagina! Oop. Then you push this part
into the first piece! Gweeps Then you throw
this part away! Do that several times
a day for a week every goddamn month! It’s the worst thing ever
all the time! It’s much worse for them than it is for you
to hear about it. And periods
is important. That’s how the body
gets rid of the old egg so it can cook up
them new ones. So listen to what’s
going on with your female emotionally and… (both)
Get your bitch
some chocolate! Don’t call her
a bitch, but… (both)
Get your bitch
some chocolate! [both singing] ♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪ ♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪ ♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪ ♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪ ♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪ ♪ Chocolate

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