On Feeling Depressed

On Feeling Depressed


We’re not talking about the extreme, most paralysing, regions of despair – where external medical help is vital. Our target is rather the times when we feel – as indicated by Thoreau’s phrase – mired in moods of ‘quiet desperation’: a large, grey hinterland in which beneath an outward surface of endurance, we feel exhausted, close to tears, beyond the sympathetic understanding of others, easily irritated and daunted by the simplest tasks. There will probably have been certain triggers for our melancholy: an intimate rejection; a humiliation around work; the growing realisation that the ambitious plans of earlier years have come to very little… Unfortunately, sadness feels very taboo. Societies tend slyly to insist on cheerfulness. We end up not only struggling, but humiliated that we are in such difficulties. Yet, in truth, there is nothing more natural or routine than grief. We have so much to feel morose about: simply by virtue of being alive, we will inevitably so often feel badly misunderstood, unfairly criticised, overlooked and rejected. We will be struck by our own stupidity and appalled by our inner ugliness and cowardice. We will make some shockingly poor decisions, we will let others down – and will witness those we love suffer and die before ourselves having to give up the keys to life. The reasons for feeling low and demoralised touch more or less every one. It is the universality – the normality – of suffering that makes the sight of small happy children so poignant; we know, as they cannot yet, how much they are going to suffer – we don’t know the precise details but we know that in some way or another a distinctive range of horrors will, in time, befall them. Every day, almost without noticing it, we have to fight off a range of incoming powerful reasons not to despair. We rely on an internal engine or muscle of hope to pump out consoling thoughts. Then one day the task seems too much; the muscle can’t take it any more. At such times, we need to keep a few ideas in mind: For a start, that sorrow is not an individual failing; it is a basic reality for our entire species. We are so extremely sensitive, such fragile constructions, constantly exposed to danger; for the most part blind, hopeful without regard to reality and with unquenchable needs for love and sympathy. Our tribulations are a symptom of being human, never just a curse attached to our sliver of existence. Others, who might seem successful, buoyant and composed will travel, at moments they shield us from, to the same places of despair we have been exiled to. We live so close to ourselves, we know so much about our private failings, we miss that our flaws are general: present even in the outwardly placid, the beautiful, the rich, and the people next door. If only we could see into their minds, we would feel so much less alone. We are, it’s true, sometimes hard to be around. We’re easy to caricature as grumpy and a pain. But in truth, we’re sad rather than mean, anxious rather than bad. It’s hard to make our despair sound charming, to present ourselves in the way that would win us the compassion we so require. Yet we’re being harder on ourselves than we would be on a friend. We should – at the least – accord ourselves the same degree of forgiveness we wouldn’t hesitate to direct to an acquaintance. In the end, however tempting it is, we can’t just abandon our lives. There are too many people who rely on us (even if their presence doesn’t feel real right now). Above all, we don’t know the future. It’s the other side of our dependence on chance. Things can get slightly better for reasons it’s hard to foresee. Just as pleasures fade and can seem meaningless in retrospect, so pains (at least sometimes) can pass or soften. Things we thought we’d never be able to get over gradually become bearable; we adjust our mental posture, we stoop to accommodate a new reality. Being miserable does not exclude us from the human community. It’s a sure sign that we are very normal – and that life is progressing, in its own dark way, more or less exactly to plan.

100 comments

  1. I just wish that there was a different way to escape life other than suicide. Sucks living every day being under a dark cloud.

  2. Me and other 30% of population: My life is meaningless and I want to die
    Boomers: our life was harder you are alive so be happy lol

  3. It's a question of degrees. You can mull over a minor incident for hours .. not really depression .. but wrestling with that negative voice goes on and on. Like the singer who gets nine glowing reviews but can't dismiss review 10 .. the one with the sting.

  4. The reason I feel depressed is because i feel misunderstood by my lover lately and i just feel like my life is like a turtle…its moving too slow! Why cant i get to the good part and keep it in arms reach!?

  5. Honestly if I could, I'd just end it all. The world I mean. I think it's time to bring this inane, repetitive and throughly bleak play to an end. Because if this is living, it's not worth it.

  6. Buồn lâu ngày sẽ sinh ra trầm cảm, vì vậy mỗi khi buồn chúng ta hãy làm cho mình bận rộn, học để thu thập thêm kiến thức cho mình cũng là 1 trong những cách. Biết đâu 1 ngày nào đó bạn có cơ hội nhận được việc làm tốt hơn, hãy xem qua link này nhé: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YqM2_2omoY

  7. I feel depressed, but I feel it everyday. I can be so happy and all, but then someone will say something or something will happen and I will go crazy and just break deep inside.

  8. Sometimes. You just can't tell anybody how you really feel. Not because you don't know why. Not because you don't know your purpose. Not because you dont trust them. But because you can't find the right words to make them understand.

  9. im like a human without a heart i cant feel anythink i only smile but it is a fake smile the only think that keeps me alive is video games. 😞🤐

  10. I don’t know if I’m depressed I wouldn’t wanna say i feel that way but today as in right now I feel sad, scared and I don’t know the reason for it someone help and tell me what that’s about

  11. all my life has been depressed just because of my parents divorce and I still don’t feel any better I’m insecure because people call me names like fatty and stuff and now I don’t feel like life is good

  12. I think that polishing mental illness has leaked into our global culture, from Hollywood to music to social media, and mental illness has been portrayed as desirable and attractive.

    But anyone who suffers from this disease-depression-will tell you that there is nothing desirable or attractive in this suffering.

  13. i've been depressed from 2010 and still, i haven't found how to overcome my depression. i kept faking a smile and forcing a laugh. even solve other's problem, but when it comes to me, i can't help myself tho, i can't do anything to myself. all i can do? crying and thinking of how to get rid this shit. depression is real, struggle is here. i just feel guilty to my fiancee. he did everything just to makesure i'm not feel depressed but there's no progress at all. we've been 1year 2months already. he just knew that i've depression when we're having dinner with his family which is exactly on our 1year anniversary. it's been two months he knew and still work hard to help me overcome depression. i felt so embrassed and useless as his fiancee.😞😟 who'd experience this? how did you guys solve it?😔😞

  14. In fact I enjoy my melancholic mood and enjoy living alone .. I think in the beginning everything looks tough and intolerable.but after while it either becomes "normal" or in best cases "joyful".

  15. Depression is the failure of capitalism after communism, when humans are turned into robots to produce for consumerism.

    We were born free but turned into slaves for corporations from the so called school system designed to switch us off.

  16. at the park

    Mom: so yeah Johnny’s doing really good, how about yours?

    Me: he does not know yet how much he is going to suffer

  17. What a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. It's not for the truly depressed, it's not for the mildly depressed and yet manages to cater to and belittle, both.

  18. I'm no expert , but I think I have been throught several depressive episodes through the last 3 years , it was essentially due to loneliness , and spending too much time alone , my brain didn't send me alarm signals , untill it was too late , drowning deep in the sea of loneliness , with NOONE to talk to , but then I realised that I found the major cause of my depression , so I worked on it little by little , I reached out to old friends , some of them didn't respond , but a FEW of them DID , and Now I have few , yet I would say solid friendships , I feel supported , and not isolated , I started to enjoy life again , doing stuffs I like again , and stopped being disabled by the negative thoughts , I set up a few rules , and now I feel like I'm making great progresses , every day might be a challenge , but I so confident about myself , don't give up , dig deep into your feelings , and try to deal with them , little by little , you should do fine in a while

  19. I hate life I never planned to have kids in my adulthood and most of the adults that I see now and at the moment smoke and tell me not to smoke themselves they’re fucking disgusting 🤬🤬😡😡🤬🤬😡😡🤬🤬even if I don’t smoke I can still use a lighter I’m not fucking scared of fire the past and the future is the same and that’s all in fucking aswell you can’t get back what’s in the past oh I’ve still got a long time at school but I don’t know what’s around the corner oh no just useless stuff that makes me feel feel like a prisoner for 15 years and then 45 fucking years of making lots of money by going work it’s all fucking useless especially work and as a fucking teenager I can’t even learn how to drive then no matter of how fucking harder of the days at school 😒😒 I hate sleeping at night and hate waking up in the morning everyone in life is just literally fake like

  20. Lol even a teenager can tell you having fucking dumb and useless life is because you’ve feel like a kid that still and yet can’t drive yet

  21. Everyone always says it gets better but it only seems to get slightly better then horribly worse. When you've tried everything, what do you even do?

  22. Just posted status that I was mentally exhausted, my friend complained what my mind exhausted about. I said to her nothing while actually exhausted of society. I guess only me understanding myself ;-;

  23. You have absolutely no idea how deeply I connect to your videos, and how soothing the narrator’s voice is to me.
    The eloquence… the choice of words… the precise hit in the feels. Invaluable.

  24. "It often happens that sorrow makes one ill; this can be cured by spiritual means." "Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise." ~ Baha'i Faith

  25. I just feel so lifeless, non of this seems real anymore. I want feel these kinds of emotions, don’t only want to feel fear

  26. For the high and exalted One He who inhabits eternity, Whose name is Holy says this, “I dwell on the high and holy place, But also with the contrite and humble in spirit In order to revive the spirit of the humble And to revive the heart of the contrite [overcome with sorrow for sin].

  27. Why do all these fucking videos go like: yOu aRE nOT aLoNe, tHERe aRe MAnY pEOpLe dEPresSed.
    Like bitch is that supposed to make me feel better i need actual help. Im not using any drugs or medicine and neither am i rude to others, im just super angry at myself and sad, failed so much in life it's not bearable anymore

  28. I don't want to die, I love the idea of life, I'm just not a fan of mine, because every minute I get a sinking feeling of utter sadness and the eternal need for that feeling to end.

  29. I wish I could share what I'm feeling right now.
    My parents won't understand it, because for them life is easy as 17 years old.
    I silently cry when no one's watching.
    I feel like destroying things and destroy myself.
    I just want to sleep and never get up.

  30. …ah yep, and then you die and everything meant nothing. And in a few generations, it’s as if you never existed. So what’s the point?

  31. There are so many voices, idols, and practices of social media that some tend to lose our own way and take our style and personalities from the movies they portray, songs they sing, or words that they speak. Friends and people around you effect this much more.

  32. It's like walking through a dark tunnel and NOT being able to see the light at the end of it…loneliness and despair is walking beside you and they won't go away…Sometimes they dissappear but return just as abruptly as they went…no hope..no words and no-one to talk to…even though you are surrounded bt many people; they just wouldn't understand, because everybody has their own problems…if only someone could carry your burden for just a little while…just so that you can get enough strength to carry on on your own..but nobody hears your silent screams…then the thoughts go through your mind:"Why not just end it?"..it would be better for everyone if you are not here…but you want to live..you want to find that "old you"..the one who used to smile a lot and make others laugh and feel happy about themselves.. But it seems that person is gone…forever!!!

  33. There are many reasons we can fall into depression and we often hear phrases like "It's all in your head" or "ah cheer up" or "forget about it, it doesn't matter" at some point in our lives. Even when somebody says you're not alone still makes you feel alone the only way you can do it is to believe that you're not alone and that itself can make you feel alone. But one comforting realization that everyone should know is that pain doesn't last forever. You don't need to die to feel less pain. Things can change either good or bad but at some point, there will be a good change. You can make a good change if you believe in yourself to do so and even when you feel the happiness and motivation to do so and small things can still make you happy even if you don't feel it will. People need to realize that it's ok to be sad and sadness isn't shameful either. Sadness is actually a different way of getting better. Hang in there and at some point even if it's longer than others. You'll be happy again. You'll love again. Just know that life isn't all about pain and regret and that you will get better and you are strong to go through such battles on your own. Hang in there ok?

  34. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up ever again… getting out of bed everyday is so hard the voice in my head just goes like,"why do u wanna get up? It's going to be the same like every other day. Ppl will ask u regular questions,'why r u always so bored? R u sleepy? Just Cheer up dude for once!' why do u wanna wake up huh? Nobody ever understands u anyway-"

  35. Check out Winnie Bopper's video! #TikTok https://m.tiktok.com/v/6713713493356317957.html?u_code=d72b3b6i9b2bm1&preview_pb=0&language=en&timestamp=1574817811

  36. It's amazing how in recent months I've been learning a lot about emotional abuse, depression, and anxiety, and comparing what I've learned to previous bouts of depression (chronic physical illness, adolescent depression) that weren't handled well. A lot of responses from non-depressed people come off dismissive. You're compared to people worse off (so say people who won't get to actually know what you're dealing with, nevermind this isn't a competition and there are different kinds of suffering that aren't better or worse than others, just different) and just choose to feel happy (yes, one can magically change their mindset without addressing serious underlying issues–changing my mindset got a LOT easier ONLY by accepting myself and having compassion for my suffering). In my case, I've always had family and family friends fond of the philosophical schools of "suck it up," "get over it, and "you're full of nonsense." Those are more obvious contrasts to what I think being supportive of a depressed person should look like for the most part. Just be there. Be understanding, accepting, empathetic. Depression and often its underlying causes pin down to isolation and always being dismissed. Sure, it may be hard for someone heavily depressed to show appreciation or feel appreciation, but at least acceptance doesn't feel like a weapon–a push–like the other approaches do. Validating the pain is like giving some footing for a chance to mentally adjust and cope better.

  37. damn…so many things I can relate to. Anxiousness, fears, sadness, irritability, failure, need for love, mind fuckery…

  38. Nothing brings me joy. I wish I could play sports again or enjoy a video game but everything is just boring. Every day just drags on and I'm only 25. I can't imagine that I might not even be done half my life. Like fuck, I'm not even halfway done and I already want it to end. This is miserable lol

  39. I'm feeling so depressed and lost. My husband and I have up to the 16th of December to bring our mortgage up to date or we're going to lose our home. We don't know where we're going to get that 7,500.00 dollars from . We can't eat or sleep and this is even affecting our kid. I feel like I have failed them . I can't tell when last I really smile. We're drowning in debts. I just don't know what else to do. I need help.

  40. If someone could accidentally hit me with OR trip and push me in front of a large speeding truck…I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

  41. I love these videos they give me hope n keep me sane.i espcially love this narrators calming soothing voice.thank u school of life 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

  42. For all those who feel there isn’t a purpose, to strive for love and to create a family is a purpose. It’s not about the fun or about the success it’s about the love and if that isn’t present at the moment know it’s still out there for you

  43. Thanks for whoever made the arabic subtitles!! You're great my friend! I can understand english and understand most of what the narrator is saying but sometimes he uses more complex vocabularies!!

  44. By Keith Thompson
    Mistress Melancholy
    Sometimes in the yawning night,
    I hear her voice call out to me,
    clutch my sheets and blankets tight
    yet drift away in memories
    She's followed me throughout my life
    I call her Mistress Melancholy

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