Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures

Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures


Onion News Network Today Now! Later on in the hour tips for stretching out
your vagina without having a baby. But first, in today’s tough economic times,
money stresses can really be overwhelming. Yeah, but help is on the way.
Author Christine Eckard, is here to show us some exercises
to reduce stress. Hi Christine. -Good morning.
-Hi Jim and Tracy. Christine, I’m so glad you’re here.
I’m about ready to snap. -She is. The first thing we’re going to learn
about is problem visualization. -Oh, ok.
-It’s a simple method for reducing stress, by assigning an image to represent
your anxieties. -Ok.
-That sounds simple enough. The first thing I like to do is imagine
my money related stress, as the most disgusting, terrifying
creature I can think of. -Ok. -I like to imagine an ugly,
greasy little creature with a hooked nose and oily black hair. -Oh, he is scary.
-I call him the Grabbler, because he’s a greedy little monster
who wants to grabble up all my money. Now close your eyes
and picture the Grabbler. Ok, there he is. Now think of all the problems
your Grabbler is causing. He invented interest rates,
like the ones on your credit card. He’s taking the jobs,
because Grabblers only hire their own kind. I just want to get rid of him. Now imagine the Grabbler
slowly disintegrating, like a pile of ashes,
blown away by a purifying wind. And now you’re in a peaceful meadow,
full of lilies, swaying in a gentle breeze. They’re not scheming
or trying to rob me. -Wow, that really works.
-What a relief, I feel so relaxed. Now this image visualization works
for other kinds of stresses besides money. Exactly, say you had an argument
with someone at work, take that social stress and visualize it
being due to a Blabbler. Blabbler, well look at that. Blabblers represent all that
negative energy we experience, when dealing with difficult personalities. You know, the kinds of people who love
to argue and complain in nasal voices. -Oh, I know people like that.
-These stresses are everywhere too. They are, they’re always lurking like rats. You know that’s way sometimes
meditative exercises aren’t enough. So, take you mind off your stress by doing
something good for yourself, exercise. -I know I feel better after my yoga class.
-Right, right. I will often go for a long walk
in the middle of the night, to throw flaming bottles
at certain houses, or even sneak in through the back doors and light their curtains on fire
while they’re asleep. Working up a sweat to rid yourself
of that stress. Alright, well Christine, thanks so much
for being our guest this morning. -Thanks Christine.
-and sharing your advice. Everyone should check out
Christine’s new book, “The Solution: Kill all the Grabblers”,
and it’s available in bookstores now. And when we come back, why you don’t
have to wait until after you’re forty to have sex after forty. Still ahead this hour… How to protect your home
from outside opinions.

100 comments

  1. Of course the fucking Jew hating idiots are too stupid to realize their ignorance and blaming all their failures on Jews is what’s being parodied.

  2. “I just wanna get rid of em’!”
    The entire world over does. Truly the path to world peace is uniting to end the grabbler!

  3. "Globalism is the mask of communism, which is the mask of Bolshevism, which is the mask of the Grabbler".
    Bobby Fisher, chess grandmaster, and honest Grabbler

  4. "The greatest exposure yet to be made is the way that news is manufactured and the way in which the mind of whole nations is molded for a purpose. When the powerful Grabbler is at last traced and his hand revealed, then comes the ready cry of persecution and it echoes through the world press!" Henry Ford, 1920

  5. Long live the underground resistance…and may the censors spend their time and energies focusing on the alphabet-victims. Godspeed.

  6. im not even religious and I know Jews are scapegoats for people who never grow up. I don't like anti-semites. awesome vid. thumbs up

  7. #OwenBenjaminstolethisjoke from The Onion and has used it into the ground. Letting you guys know since he is a terrible comic.

  8. The Grabbler is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a scoundrel, parasite, swindler, profiteer, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Grabbler and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly back: "I've been found out."

  9. The Grabbler is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a scoundrel, parasite, swindler, profiteer, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Grabbler and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”

  10. The Grabbler is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a scoundrel, parasite, swindler, profiteer, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Grabbler and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”

  11. " It is no hyperbole when I tell you that all evils of the world are endorsed and committed by gnomes. A gnome feels no empathy or remorse, no common humanity that separates us from simple beasts. the only "love" a gnome can feel if you dare describe it so, is that for money. a gnome would sooner sell his own mother for a pouch of silvers then do a single good deed in his entire gaping hole of an existence."

  12. I've never seen a nazi in real life, yet when I go on the internet they seem to be everywhere… you guys need to get out more often and maybe get in touch with reality. IDK… just a thought.

  13. Imagine thinking that a satirical piece mocking anti-semites is actually supporting the anti-semite's twisted worldview. A Nazi's stupidity never ceases to amaze me!

  14. I'm not the type of person that just follows the masses like a sheep, so i'm just gonna straight up say this : as much as i enjoy your videos, this one really crossed the line.

  15. I bought one of the final book runs. In fact I may have bought the final….

    Solution. Kill all Grabblers books.

    That's the 'Final solution. Kill all Grabblers.'

  16. Aww man, I had no idea this was from the onion, I'd only ever seen the grabbler part out of context, it was so much funnier when I thought it was just some crazy out of touch racist bitch who somehow got onto a talk show.

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