Parenting Tips – What is Positive Discipline? | Parents

Parenting Tips – What is Positive Discipline? | Parents


I’m Dr. Ari Brown. Today, let’s about discipline.
What is it and why is it important? Discipline literally means to teach. From discipline,
your child learns self-control and with that comes self-confidence and self-esteem. Positive
discipline means that you show respect, you listen, you reward good behavior, and you
remind your child that you love her while you teach her right from wrong. This is in
contrast to negative discipline like spanking, which teaches children fear and leads to poor
self-esteem. Many child-rearing issues fall into the discipline category, whether it’s
teaching your child to share a toy, go to bed when he’s supposed to, or eat something
other than chicken nuggets, it’s all about having a plan, setting limits, and then following
through with it. Being a parent is not a popular job. You’re not your child’s buddy and being
an effective parent sometimes means that your child will not like the decisions or rules
you make to guide her in the right direction or protect her. And that’s okay. Your child
will still love you and even thank you years later–okay, many years later–for helping
her be the best person she can be. If you let your toddler call the shots, it will haunt
you as your child gets older and the stakes are higher. This week, it’s demanding candy
at the grocery store check-out line, later it’s going to a party with underage drinking
or drug use. Keep that in mind. There are eight key points to discipline. Be a good
role model. Your kids are watching you and your actions speak louder than words. Be consistent.
Whatever rule or limit you set, you must stick to it. Don’t back down to avoid conflict.
Be calm and brief. The less you react, yell or lecture, the better. Make your comment
short and sweet. Be quick. Don’t wait to discipline your child even if you are out in public.
He won’t remember why he’s being disciplined if you wait until later. Pick your battles.
Decide which behaviors are serious enough to discipline and decide which ones to just
ignore. Be realistic. How long is your child really willing to endure running errands or
you taking a phone call? If you have reasonable expectations, your child will act out less.
Catch your child being good. Your child craves your attention. Kids prefer positive attention
like hugs and praise, but they’ll also accept negative attention like you screaming and
yelling. So if you praise your child for cleaning up his toys, you’ll see more of that behavior
and he won’t have to resort to naughty behaviors to get you to notice him. Finally, remind
your child that you love her. The behavior is bad but never tell a child that she is
bad. After you’re done with your discipline moment, say something nice and give her a
hug. It shows that you’re ready to move on and not dwell on the issue. Just remember,
your child’s behavior won’t change immediately. You are planting the seeds of discipline right
now. Don’t expect a tree to grow overnight.

27 comments

  1. Children, families, and thus the nation would be better off if parents were fully committed to raising their children as opposed to neglecting them for the love of material (money) things.  How many parents both work full time, when they could live with less material goods (i.e. smaller home) in order to raise their children?

    But then again, how many children are now living with two parents since marriage is no longer honored as the God ordained institution that it is or was designed for…just thinking aloud.

  2. The problem with our society is a lot of people don't understand the difference between positive discipline and negative discipline. Some people just assume that discipline means abuse. That isn't true.

  3. The actual person who brought the kid in the world should be raising them. Not grandma, the media, and internet. In some ways I glad that I was a kid in the non-digital age.

  4. Why is she speaking to adults as if they where children.Her hand movements and facial expressions get on my nerves. It's as if she rehersed those lines over and over.

  5. So if the kids good she calls it a girl and when bad its a boy…. I instantly dislike her for this.

  6. Kids have a natural curiosity to manipulate and touch their surroundings. It is the responsibility of parents and educators to nurture that into the right direction. At KidStarter, we're passionate about inspiring kids to explore through Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) at an early age. Through interactive, instructor-led workshops, kids build an entire product from scratch and are introduced to DIY concepts, problem-solving, and teamwork. Most of all, it is a fun and safe environment where children feel comfortable to expose their inner geek. http://bst.is/FwcLW8

  7. not to mention 058 my mom did that and i did not love her for 1 month + she allmost got sued btw im 12 not 8 so this video is bad for you

  8. 158 give them many chanses because my teacher did that and she got fired by my mom. and if you think im lieing then you have BIG trust probloms

  9. why can't they just go forward with positive disipline approahes and leave out the anti spanking absolutism.  Leave that issue to the parent.

  10. Brilliant and simple explanation. Now if only I can get my parents to stop with their medieval spanking technique. It doesn't work. Never has. I am the parent now and don't like spanking at all as I understand how this damages the trust and self esteem and basically demonstrates violence as a means to achieve a desired behavior or goal. It is just stupidly wrong.

    I have a toddler just short of 2 years old with no language skills beyond incoherent babbling (complex, but nonetheless inconsistent and seemingly random). I had an issue at the supermarket today that resulted in a short tantrum. I took from him a toy (actually, a long handled car cleaning brush) I was unwilling to buy. He immediately started whining and stomping. I picked him up and just walked him back to the cart in silence after a single assertive 'no.' After just a couple minutes he stopped and was happy again. I did not try to talk to him or make too much eye contact as I don't want him doing bad things just to get attention. It worked out well. I ignored the tantrum itself and merely removed him from the situation (where the toy was left).

    What was funny was that after walking him back to the front of the store, I set him down and he took off running. He does that a lot. The kid likes to run. Often, I let him. This time he ran through the maze of the store right back to the shelf where I left the brush. Good to know he has excellent space-perception and memory! He couldn't see the brush though (too high) and didn't get bent out of shape when I walked him back to the front again. I almost caved and bought that brush because I was so impressed with his memory. Glad I didn't though. Don't need another car cleaning brush and the lesson would have been lost.

    I am a first time father and just starting to figure out how this game works. My wife is as clueless as I am sometimes and permit my parents to do their form of discipline sometimes. Lo and behold, the child is starting to swing back at us. Violence begets violence. Gotta kill that cycle right now before it becomes worse.. Videos like this are reassuring that I won't have to end up spanking my kid like my parents did my siblings and I. Now I just have to work harder on his language skills…

  11. Its called consistency, unconditional love, and explaining to them on their own developmental level when behaviors have to be addressed about cause and effect. or choices and consequences. My 5 yr old is stubborn and would rather go without dinner and sit in timeout for 4 hours instead of just apologizing and talking it out about why and what choices were made and what can be done next time to not have mommy have to flip shit AND JUST FOLD THE CLOTHES YOU TORE OUT. You know better you dont listen it cost you toys, privileges, and even basic necessities if it takes thaT. Sweets and toys stickers, candy, pop, ice cream are treats and privileges for children that listen the first time told and dont throw a tantrum, whine and make mommy have to get mad. My 5 year old kept getting in dresser tearing things out not putting back. I took all her clothes away but 3 pair of underwear, 3 pair of socks, 5 bottoms and 5 tops one coat and she was left with her old shoes. All the rest clothes and new shoes were bagged up, I told her she had a week to apologize, and explain what happened and why I took her things away or I was donating them to children that didnt have the luxury of being blessed like she is and will appreciate her clothes and Guess what three days later she finally came around by her own choice and realization from thinking about it and apologized, picked up, folded and put away all her clothes I took away, and could tell me at 5 where she went wrong, why mommy did that, and how to make a better decision next time which she decided was to not get everything out at once and just ask for help instead of refusing straight up and throwing a tantrum over nothing. Just got to stick to what you say and follow thru the moment they know your bullshitting your done forever not ever getting that child to alter their behavior. Teach them right from wrong from infancy and not start at school age, middle school, or high school and guess what they turn out to be some damn awesome people. My 5 year old is empathetic, has understanding and comprehension skills of a 10 year old, but she also has a childhood any kid would dream of. I play with my kids and give them experiences. She appreciates what she has because she knows shes more fortunate then others, and even has had etiquette since three using please, thank you, and sorry, excuse me. GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND COMPUTER AND PARENT, ENJOY THEM, EDUCATE THEM, GUIDE THEM, KNOW YOUR CHILD AND ITS NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE PARENTING THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF YOUR LIFE BY RAISING A GOOD, MORAL, COMPASSIONATE, TOLERANT, KNOWLEDGE ABLE, ADULT TO LEAD THE SHEEPLES OF the PROBLEM CHILDREN who were ignored as kids. My 5 year old knows I love her on her bad days and moments the same as when shes good and the same as her sister. Everyone is equably valuable to the family and as a family member gets responsibility to contribute. She plays with her sister for a lil bit to help so mommy can cook dinner, folds her own clothes puts them up, helps make sure her sissy has a sippy when we leave, empty the dishwasher twice a week, pick up after her self, and feeds and waters her dog everyday. Letting kids grow up with no responsibility, chores, developing those basic life skills, hygiene (on by their own free will and want) etc while giving them everything they want but time with you is why we have a generation of entitlement. Boy that rapes but gets off because hes a swimmer dont see no big deal about having sex with an unconscious girl he stumbles on, or one that drinks and drives and kills two people gets probation because hes only 15 and first time offender only to break probation and continue to drink and not see an issue with that behavior or have empathy or remorse, or value the lives of others.

  12. “I think it’s necessary to let kids get bored once in a while—that’s how they learn to be creative.”

  13. Yes I was really effected by cursing,yelling,hitting and spoken word curses like I'm not going to amount for anything,acting like my daddy folks,and mama say I make her shame.

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