Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression

Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression


Have you tried meditation?
Isn’t there just some sort of cure? It’s all in your head.
You’re bringing me down, mate. Ah. Yeah…
SHE LAUGHS I don’t even want to read this
cos it’s pissed me off so much. Do it, I believe in you. “Cheer up.”
Are we in a Dick Van Dyke film? Fuck off! Cheer up, Charlie.
Cheer up? SHE SINGS A JIG
Cheer up! I think if I had a pound
for every time someone said, “Oh, will you just cheer up a bit?” I could, like, live in
my blanket fort forever and ever. I put on a massive front a lot
of the time, about the way I am, and behind closed doors I’m not
as happy, bubbly, as go-lucky as I seem to be. I’ve tried cheering up. It’s not
really working for me right now. Being depressed doesn’t mean
I can’t BE cheery. I just don’t need to be reminded
that I’m NOT cheery. “Man up, sort yourself out.”
Like, oh, yeah. I’ll just go and fight a bear
for the last salmon in the river. Do you know what I mean, like? That, to me,
that’s what manning up is. I’ve never heard of that before.
Well, there you go. Have you tried yoga? Yoga made me more depressed. It’s like over-gentrification of
self-care, just drives me insane.
“Have you tried yoga?” “Have you tried meditation?” OK.
“Have you eaten some kale?” I mean, I’m sure it’s helpful.
I mean… I just can’t get out of bed
some days… Yeah. ..let alone go to
fucking yoga. I wouldn’t say that it’s changed
my mental health. I would say I’m more flexible. Have you tried yoga,
have you tried exercising? I mean, have you tried running
while crying profusely? It’s not… That’s the only way I run.
It’s not particularly easy. The only way. It’s not particularly
attractive. Depression and anxiety usually comes
from, like, you overthinking things or being alone with
your thoughts or thinking, “Oh, my God, this is wrong with me,
that’s wrong with me.” And you know what happens
when you do yoga? You’re thinking. Alone. By yourself. “Do you self harm?” Why do you want
to know, are you going to help me or are you going to be judging? I genuinely have had someone do this
and be like… And I was like, are you actually
kidding me right now? As if I’m going to just go, “Yeah,
yeah, I do. Yeah, mate, yeah. “Yeah, every Wednesday.” When someone found out I was
self-harming, saw it, and then proceeded to tell everyone. First of all, not everybody
self harms with depression. Second of all, the people that do don’t want you to pull their…
Yeah! And also, we might not self harm
on our wrist. Maybe they just think,
the first thing – depression just must
be really scary so people must do it, or they think
of being a teenager and hearing things and
they just ask that straightaway, and that’s a big question.
Let’s say the worst thing, you think that someone’s doing it
for attention. Yeah! They’re doing it for attention,
because they are calling out for help because they are
miserable and they are sad… Yeah. ..and they are so, they are so… They have run out of
so many options, they think there is nowhere
for them to go, that they want to hurt themselves. People think they can question
you about shit that’s personal. I’m not being funny, if you had
a birthmark on your head, I’m not going to ask you,
“What’s that on your head?” Don’t ask me what’s that on my arm.
You know what it is, do you know what I mean? Yeah. “Other people have it so much worse
than you.” SHE YELLS SHE LAUGHS Yeah, of course other people
have it worse than you, there’s millions of people with
mental health illness all across the world, and depression is just the tip of
what I presume is a massive iceberg. I just don’t understand why people
feel like depression is some kind of privilege. Like, you don’t deserve
to be depressed because you don’t have the worst
life I’ve ever heard about. It’s not a competition, as well. No. I don’t want to have depression.
Like, fine. True. What you have said
is a true fact. Yeah. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I feel.
Feeling my feelings. I’ve spent weeks lying in bed
when I’ve been depressed, because I just can’t actually
function at all, I can’t actually get out of bed. And people don’t see that, so people
text you like, “How are you doing?” And naturally, you lie,
“I’m all right today.” People do have it worse than me, and that is on my list of things
that make me feel shit about myself. “You’re bringing me down.” I’m hilarious, so, you know, you’re obviously boring.
I think I’m great. That’s so rude, first of all.
That’s just rude. Don’t ever say that to anyone. You feel like a burden already. And then to be told that,
or to hear that can just make you feel
ten times worse. I’ve actually had someone say,
“Can you not come “because you’re just going to
bring the mood down?” Yeah, I have that quite a lot. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry
I will never see you again. Yeah, I’m sorry
I bothered you with my friendship. You’re clearly a dick. And that also makes you isolated cos then you don’t want to go
cos you feel this way, and then you get left out
of social situations as well. I find that’s happened to me
in the past. You feel guilty because you know
that you’re not being their friend or being their son or daughter
that you think they wish they had. You don’t want to be that crazy
bitch who’s making a fuss, so you don’t say anything,
you don’t go to the doctor, and “you’re bringing me down”
is one of the things… You don’t want to be like,
a Petty Betty or a Debbie Downer. Being the killjoy,
being the buzzkill. “Don’t over-analyse everything.”
Oh, my God. “You’re overthinking.”
Overthinking. No, I’m just thinking a lot. If you have depression and you’re
already in a depressed state, when you then drink,
it makes everything worse. It heightens everything.
So much worse, so much worse. People always go, oh, depression,
it’s just a chemical imbalance. So people’s response is, oh,
let’s put different chemicals in… Yeah. ..to try and balance it out. Can’t be taken away by just having
a good night, or having a night out. It’s how I feel, it’s stuck. Yeah, being diagnosed with
depression has helped me kind of look at myself a lot more.
Yeah. And look out for my wellbeing. And it feels really good to sit down
and acknowledge, you know what, I’m good today. Yeah. And for most people, that’s like,
not a huge deal. Just like, meh. No… But for us, it’s like…
It’s amazing. When you wake up and you’re like…
Yeah, especially in the morning, you wake up and you’re like,
“Oh, my God, it’s a good day.”

100 comments

  1. Person: cheer up
    Me: oh wow i never thought of that kAReN. Thatnk you so much my depression is completely gone now

  2. “You’re bringing me down”, “lighten up” and “cheer up” are the most ANNOYING comments I’ve ever got since becoming depressed!!!!

  3. Someone told me once over a phone conversation while I was describing my mental health "oh! But you don't sound like a depressed person, your voice is fine." I was like sorry my vocal cords are not infected yet by depression virus.

  4. I have depression and I hate it when people say that I'm too dramatic and that I just want attention ya know it really hits me ? I just pretend like I didn't care and I smiled ? but inside…

  5. If there is anyone in the comments dealing with depression I love you. You are special. and as shown in the video you are not alone. So if you are really struggling with this/ or thinking about suicide here is a list of websites to go to find help. I strongly suggest you search and look for help, and spread Suicide Awareness.
    Crisis text line: text HOME to 741-741
    Each Mind Matters Facts sheets: at ReachOut.com
    us.reachout.com/facts/lgbtq
    Know the signs: www.suicideispreventable.org
    LGBT National Youth Talkline: 1-800-246-PRIDE (7743)
    www.glhn.org
    Love is Respect: 1-866-331-9474
    loveisrespect.org
    text LOVEIS to 22522
    Mental health america: www.mentalhealthamerica.net
    PFLAG: www.pflag.org/getsupport
    Teen Health Law: www.teenhealthlaw.org
    Teen health rights: www.teenhealthrights.org
    The National Domestic violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
    The National Runway Safeline: 1-800-Runaway
    The National Suicide prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
    The network of care: www.networkofcare.org
    The Trevor Project: Trevor lifeline 866-488-7386
    www.thetrevorproject.org
    www.trevorspace.org/login
    Trans Lifeline: 887-565-8860
    Transgender Law Center: www.transgenderlawcenter.org
    Wellness Recovery Action Planning: www.mentalhealthrecovery.com

  6. I suffered with suicidal thoughts for 3 months straight only living for other people but then i just learned to not care. Make sure you talk to the “class clown” they aren’t what they seem

  7. I hate that when people find out they are like "ur faking it" yep you are right i cut myself because i'm a freaking vampire OF COURSE I'M NOT FAKING IT SUSAN

  8. Telling someone with:

    -Anxiety to “just stop worrying”
    -Depression to “just be happy”
    -Insomnia to “just go to sleep”
    -Anorexia to “just eat”
    -Bulimia to “just keep it in”
    -Self-Harm issues to “just stop cutting”
    -Problems to “just get over it”

    is like stabbing yourself with a giant knife, saying “just stop bleeding” and you’re magically healed.

    Thats not how it works

  9. You know what? I would love if having a drink made my depression worse, thing is, it makes me feel so much better on depressed days that I fear I might develop an addiction.

  10. ‘But you’ve been laughing and joking around today! You can’t really have depression.’
    I’m allowed to laugh, K A R E N.

  11. I'm depressed myself and I'm just awkwardly watching
    Honestly IDGAF if they don't understand depressed people just as long as they don't hurt anyone

  12. You guys should do a chronic pain person one, when she said "when you wake up and you feel ok, it's amazing" it's a lot like that.

  13. I believe depression is a real thing, but I also think that 90% of people who claim to have depression are really just lying little pussys

  14. Depression is insane. I feel like some people have some goal they want to achieve in their head and they are too lazy to start working towards it. This laziness breeds a sense of not giving a shit which ultimately leads to “depression”. This mental state is ultimately comes from being lazy as shit, or feeling like you can do anything about something menial…..which is still lazy.

  15. If you have clinical depression, and others want to balance it out with other chemicals like ALCOHOL, they didn't listen in school. You.cant. balance. depression. with. a. drug. that. is .a. DEPRESSANT!!!! FFS LISTEN IN BIOLOGY AND CHEM CLASSES!!!!

  16. Out of contents but I hate it when people say “just ignore it” or “just ignor her/him” that’s not how it works

  17. every adult has depression.
    What you do with yourself and others is what matters.
    You can't begin to heal until you begin to love yourself.

  18. 3:53

    Someone told me that and started talking bad about me because of it, even if they said that they have depression too.

    This is literally what I wanted to say:

    "Well, you always talk about your depression! I mean, yeah, you make me sad too, but I think of ways to HELP you, not BREAK you!"

    But I ended up saying

    "Oh, sorry, I won't talk about it again"

  19. The BEST DAY of my LIFE was when i woke up and realised that i felt completely fine. Not sad, low, sluggish, desperate, lonely, defeated, ect. I cant get across how good it felt to actually realise that i was doing okay.

  20. I've had friends not want to be my friends anymore because I was " too depressing" to be around. Sorry i had fucked up things happen in my life.

  21. "Other people have it so much worse than you"
    Yeah no shit sherlock
    Damn I need to show this to that one person who keeps telling me this

  22. Depression is misery so horrible that I can’t even try to describe it.
    Yes. It can go away. Having depression go away is one of the most wonderful feelings you could ever experience.
    But it isn’t cured from just thinking positive thoughts!
    The two ways I know of to combat depression are to persevere and to help others.

  23. Telling a depressed person not to be sad is like telling a paranoid person not to be paranoid, or someone with schizophrenia not to hallucinate. Words can't just mAgIcAlLy cure your mental illness.

  24. I’m going through depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but I always got caught before I could do it. Because I’m depressed, I’ve been putting this fake happy facade and since I’ve started high school I frequently lost a quarter in most of my quizzes. My parents always shout at me whenever I lose a quarter and say look at this person look at that person what about her I’m pretty sure she got a better mark than you did, and that always cuts like a deep knife. But when I get a full mark all they ever say is “good job” or “ok, great”. I’ve lost my motivation and I feel like not doing anything. I feel like whatever I do, I mess up. Then my parents confronted me about losing my marks and I got all defensive, I guess, and said “well what if I lost a quarter. What if I lost a half. What if I lost an entire mark, is that not ok. Everyone makes mistakes, I already told you that and you said you already made enough mistakes. No one is perfect, I already told you that and you said I’m perfect, your dad is perfect, so you should be perfect. I’m your daughter. You should accept me the way I am.” And then my mom stopped talking to me, she stopped asking me how I am, she stopped any way of communication between me and her. She told my dad to take care of me because she says that “ Your daughter is being rude and she doesn’t appreciate what we do for her”. I talked with my dad after a few days and that I wanted to go to a therapist really bad. he told me I should pray to god and whatnot and that his brother had depression 11-13 years ago and the doctor told that the pills he was taking could kill him. He told me that therapists do nothing and the pills that’s will give me will do nothing. He told me that his brother prayed to god and got better and that I should do the same. Then he told me to apologise to my mum. I went and apologised and she said that I don’t appreciate what she does and that I should stop pretending that I have a mental illness and that I’m absolutely fine. And this is how my parents are happy and think I’m happy and I’m still depressed…

  25. I’m not gonna be a person whose claiming they have depression bc it’s a “thing”, I have no idea what the heck I have or if I’m just having a bad past like 7/15 years. I’ll be in a good mood one minute, all motivated and happy and thinking I’m finally on the right path, and the next minute I’ve got my hood up, practically mute, I snap at everyone, and just like cry forever. But then it goes away for some time, but it always comes back, and it’s always not just a “bad day” because each time I get suicidal thoughts and lose it and just all hell breaks loose. Literally anything causes the mood swings nowadays. Maybe it’s bipolar, idk, my good moods are just eh moods, never manic or amazing… maybe my mind is making up excuses for being on my phone 24/7 or staring into space while daydreaming

  26. Yes, sometimes it’s hormones. I’m not gonna lie I’ve seen just be hormones a few times. But depression is becoming more and more common, it’s bad! People need help! Not “it’s just hormones”

  27. I would love to share this video on Facebook! But then I'm afraid they would think that Im seeking attention! Uuuuuuuuuugh! 🙁
    This is my second time im watching this during another depression episode!

  28. Saying "Other people have it worse than you, you shouldn't be sad" is like saying "Other people have it better than you, you shouldn't be happy."

  29. I tried to end my life, a girl also tried * I was called an attention seeker, and that, “that girl has real problems unlike you”, and that I shouldn’t speak about it baring in mind that girl did the exact same* all this when I didn’t tell anyone until 3 days after my attempt, I od’d 3 times that week NOT knowing what happened to the girl and I’m pretty sure I did it before her, so I was going mental

  30. (True story)
    sheltered girl looks down at my arm and sees it and visibly looks taken aback beyond necessity
    me wtf
    *later walking to lunch all of her friends come up laughing and follow me asking relentlessly if my cat scratched me, what happened, what’s that, or “we’re best friends cmon tell me”
    me wtf

  31. I have had sooo many people tell me “it’s in you head…just cheer up”? I have so many relatable moments to relate to with this.

  32. “Why cant you just be happy and not think about it” i’ve had that said to me and i troed to explain to my close friend but he didnt understand then he said “if you do suicide the people who love you will be sad so just be happy” i wanted to cry

  33. "I'll walk on eggshells around you while you wallow in your own filth and do nothing with your life." is what to not say.
    These millennial idiots are telling us to not say useful things. Grow up and get a job.

  34. “Other people have it so much worse than you”
    If you drown in water that’s 3 feet deep, you are dead. If you drown in water that’s 10 fee deep, you’re dead. Just because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean your problems are invalid.

  35. I was depressed for years. Then I discovered amphetamine. I got over my depression in two months. Turns out I have ADHD and the depression was a result of not having the skills and drugs to cope with adult life. I'm good now. I even meditate and eat kale.

  36. One time I was chatting to one of my mates and I made a joke about myself or something and he said that I was such a happy person and he could never imagine me being sad or depressed. That happened two days after my first suicide attempt.

  37. My friend lowkey just said to me “Just come to school it’s not that deep” I’ve never been so angry it’s not that easy I would be there if I could

  38. a reason i used to cut was because i'm a masochist and it felt neat when i did but now i get tattoos and piercings

  39. Once a kid said to me “Actually, less than 1% of Americans are actually depressed”

    That wasn’t a good day for that kid.

  40. Yup I heard all that and more. I literally heard a guy say that "Depression doesn't exist. It's all in your mind. If you want to kill yourself just do it no one will care…" This was in like a group setting so it was not said directly to me but yea…. This one stands out the most since it happened like 2 weeks ago….

  41. 2:57 I don't have depression and even I hate that statement like I know but right here and to me my problem is bad too so let me feel bad in peace so I don't feel bad for feeling bad.

  42. "You're 17? Oh that's the best time of your life, you have no worries at that age. Life gets much harder afterwards" – some people I know

  43. The only self harm i ever did was by talking to myself for hours on end instead of sleeping and that just made depression worse. Me being alone is just making my depression worse so i just took up a lot of different hobbies to take my mind off overthinking

  44. I appreciate there are days you can’t get out of bed , let alone go to a yoga class, that’s why you take it step by step and work your way up. Don’t mock it until you try it – it’s helped many people with depression and anxiety

  45. I have come across people who have actually faked depression or another mental illness for the purpose of seeking attention and those people genuinely disgust me and also those people who self harm because it's "trendy"

  46. I havent been happy for around 2 months now. And its not that i cant be happy because i can. Its just ive always been super insecure and i do hate myself i hate my body. And whenever i am happy which isnt true happiness anymore, its usually round family and friends that i am happy. I still cant shake the thoughts of absolutely hating myself everyday. I struggle to sleep. Not to actually sleep but im not comfortable and end up tossing and turning all night. When it comes to the morning, I surface from 2 to 4 pm usually. I wont wake up to my alarms. Ill turn them off and go straight back to sleep fot more hours. I do still go out and i usually do because i thought it would make me feel better. It doesnt. When im out i am but when im back home im not im back to square 1. I never even really moved forward at all. I dont feel loved at all. When im in my room all day my mum or actually no one will say hey you okay? Been in your room all day. D'you want to say anything/talk? You sure? I feel so alone. I feel like im trapped in myself/body. Usually i love christmas but its just been a nightmare. I have the more severe side of anxiety which doesnt help but thats been the last 2 months i think that ive felt this way but really gone down for 2 weeks ish. Im not saying any of this for attention before anyone gets on my case. My mum and most of my friends dont listen to me or understand me thats why.

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