Have you tried meditation?
Isn’t there just some sort of cure? It’s all in your head.
You’re bringing me down, mate. Ah. Yeah…
SHE LAUGHS I don’t even want to read this
cos it’s pissed me off so much. Do it, I believe in you. “Cheer up.”
Are we in a Dick Van Dyke film? Fuck off! Cheer up, Charlie.
Cheer up? SHE SINGS A JIG
Cheer up! I think if I had a pound
for every time someone said, “Oh, will you just cheer up a bit?” I could, like, live in
my blanket fort forever and ever. I put on a massive front a lot
of the time, about the way I am, and behind closed doors I’m not
as happy, bubbly, as go-lucky as I seem to be. I’ve tried cheering up. It’s not
really working for me right now. Being depressed doesn’t mean
I can’t BE cheery. I just don’t need to be reminded
that I’m NOT cheery. “Man up, sort yourself out.”
Like, oh, yeah. I’ll just go and fight a bear
for the last salmon in the river. Do you know what I mean, like? That, to me,
that’s what manning up is. I’ve never heard of that before.
Well, there you go. Have you tried yoga? Yoga made me more depressed. It’s like over-gentrification of
self-care, just drives me insane.
“Have you tried yoga?” “Have you tried meditation?” OK.
“Have you eaten some kale?” I mean, I’m sure it’s helpful.
I mean… I just can’t get out of bed
some days… Yeah. ..let alone go to
fucking yoga. I wouldn’t say that it’s changed
my mental health. I would say I’m more flexible. Have you tried yoga,
have you tried exercising? I mean, have you tried running
while crying profusely? It’s not… That’s the only way I run.
It’s not particularly easy. The only way. It’s not particularly
attractive. Depression and anxiety usually comes
from, like, you overthinking things or being alone with
your thoughts or thinking, “Oh, my God, this is wrong with me,
that’s wrong with me.” And you know what happens
when you do yoga? You’re thinking. Alone. By yourself. “Do you self harm?” Why do you want
to know, are you going to help me or are you going to be judging? I genuinely have had someone do this
and be like… And I was like, are you actually
kidding me right now? As if I’m going to just go, “Yeah,
yeah, I do. Yeah, mate, yeah. “Yeah, every Wednesday.” When someone found out I was
self-harming, saw it, and then proceeded to tell everyone. First of all, not everybody
self harms with depression. Second of all, the people that do don’t want you to pull their…
Yeah! And also, we might not self harm
on our wrist. Maybe they just think,
the first thing – depression just must
be really scary so people must do it, or they think
of being a teenager and hearing things and
they just ask that straightaway, and that’s a big question.
Let’s say the worst thing, you think that someone’s doing it
for attention. Yeah! They’re doing it for attention,
because they are calling out for help because they are
miserable and they are sad… Yeah. ..and they are so, they are so… They have run out of
so many options, they think there is nowhere
for them to go, that they want to hurt themselves. People think they can question
you about shit that’s personal. I’m not being funny, if you had
a birthmark on your head, I’m not going to ask you,
“What’s that on your head?” Don’t ask me what’s that on my arm.
You know what it is, do you know what I mean? Yeah. “Other people have it so much worse
than you.” SHE YELLS SHE LAUGHS Yeah, of course other people
have it worse than you, there’s millions of people with
mental health illness all across the world, and depression is just the tip of
what I presume is a massive iceberg. I just don’t understand why people
feel like depression is some kind of privilege. Like, you don’t deserve
to be depressed because you don’t have the worst
life I’ve ever heard about. It’s not a competition, as well. No. I don’t want to have depression.
Like, fine. True. What you have said
is a true fact. Yeah. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I feel.
Feeling my feelings. I’ve spent weeks lying in bed
when I’ve been depressed, because I just can’t actually
function at all, I can’t actually get out of bed. And people don’t see that, so people
text you like, “How are you doing?” And naturally, you lie,
“I’m all right today.” People do have it worse than me, and that is on my list of things
that make me feel shit about myself. “You’re bringing me down.” I’m hilarious, so, you know, you’re obviously boring.
I think I’m great. That’s so rude, first of all.
That’s just rude. Don’t ever say that to anyone. You feel like a burden already. And then to be told that,
or to hear that can just make you feel
ten times worse. I’ve actually had someone say,
“Can you not come “because you’re just going to
bring the mood down?” Yeah, I have that quite a lot. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry
I will never see you again. Yeah, I’m sorry
I bothered you with my friendship. You’re clearly a dick. And that also makes you isolated cos then you don’t want to go
cos you feel this way, and then you get left out
of social situations as well. I find that’s happened to me
in the past. You feel guilty because you know
that you’re not being their friend or being their son or daughter
that you think they wish they had. You don’t want to be that crazy
bitch who’s making a fuss, so you don’t say anything,
you don’t go to the doctor, and “you’re bringing me down”
is one of the things… You don’t want to be like,
a Petty Betty or a Debbie Downer. Being the killjoy,
being the buzzkill. “Don’t over-analyse everything.”
Oh, my God. “You’re overthinking.”
Overthinking. No, I’m just thinking a lot. If you have depression and you’re
already in a depressed state, when you then drink,
it makes everything worse. It heightens everything.
So much worse, so much worse. People always go, oh, depression,
it’s just a chemical imbalance. So people’s response is, oh,
let’s put different chemicals in… Yeah. ..to try and balance it out. Can’t be taken away by just having
a good night, or having a night out. It’s how I feel, it’s stuck. Yeah, being diagnosed with
depression has helped me kind of look at myself a lot more.
Yeah. And look out for my wellbeing. And it feels really good to sit down
and acknowledge, you know what, I’m good today. Yeah. And for most people, that’s like,
not a huge deal. Just like, meh. No… But for us, it’s like…
It’s amazing. When you wake up and you’re like…
Yeah, especially in the morning, you wake up and you’re like,
“Oh, my God, it’s a good day.”