When Is Self-Care 🙈NARCISSISTIC?

When Is Self-Care 🙈NARCISSISTIC?

When does self care become narcissistic? Indeed it’s a fine line in that isn’t it? I have a question from one of my members in my free Facebook group,
Dream Girl Inner Circle. And she’s Michelle Wiers,
and she asks me this, she says, “I was thinking
about the word self-care, Val. It’s been a hot-topic on
online articles and magazines. We are encouraged to have more self-care, to engage in activities that help in our mental, emotional, physical states. Yet when we term it as self-care, the older generation,
especially those at work, view us as a Strawberry Generation. That is they’ll tell me to
write, that is in the Singapore we are known as the Strawberry
Generation in Chinese term. And especially that can’t take hardship or we love ourselves too much, that it becomes narcissistic. So my question is, when does
self-care become narcissistic?” I want to give my answer based
on my personal experience. There was a time in my life when I was a leader and a counselor
in youth ministry. So that was like for seven or eight years, when I was 17 I started to serve youths. Like to be a big sister to them. And every Friday they come
to my house in large groups, I had girls from girls’ schools, and boys from boys’ schools, and it’s like a really
unforgettable days on Fridays. Like 20 over, 30 over kids at my house. And we would sit in a huge circle, and I would share
messages to inspire them. And we would worship Creator, and that was beautiful,
beuatiful time of my life. But it was also a time I
was so focused on serving, I was so focused on giving other people, that I did not take care of myself. So spiritually I was doing well, I was training school of theology. I knew a lot about spirituality, how to connect with
creator of the universe, how to move in the gifts of the spirit, how to serve people, how to love people. But at the same time I
was doing part-time work, as a TV trailer producer in
Sony Pictures Entertainment, while juggling college or
university in mass communications. I was doing a lot, a lot, a lot of things. I didn’t take care of myself, my emotional self, my mental self. I thought by serving, serving, serving, by giving, giving, by working hard, by, you know, I had to-do lists
that’s so long every day, I actually felt very good about
it whenever I take them off. So that was like a very
typical high-achiever person. I had targets every
week, targets every day. I was on a boom-boom-boom, go-go-go. But on the outside while everything was looking like a pretty life, I was slowlly crumbling
in my emotional state. In my mental state. I had some things in my
past come up, creeping up, I thought that could be solved
by just sweeping it away and focusing on serving
people no matter what, right? Like we are taught, there
are teachings out there that says, you cannot live
by how you feel, right? You gotta keep showing up,
you gotta be consistent, you’ve got to give to people selflessly, you’ve got to sacrifice,
you’ve got to be hardworking. Diligent. But this was very, very thing
that broke me and snapped me, that I became dysfunctional
in my life for eight years, and it came up in symptoms
of mental health issues. I was really diagnosed with severe, incurable mental health issues. As one point in my life
I was talking to myself. I lost my mind. I really lost my mind. Now we don’t lose… People you see on the
streets that lost their mind, they talk to themselves,
thre’s a reason for that, nobody’s born insane, they
were once like you and me, who are happy people,
who are happy children, who have dreams in our lives. But along the way, we go
through life and experience, we meet different people,
and unfortunately some of us are scarred by certain situations. And when it’s unresolved,
when it’s not healed, it will manifest in different ways, whether it’s a physical heath
issue, or a mental health, or emotional health issue. And that’s really what happened to me. This is why I’m so
passionate about sharing the importance of self-care, so that you don’t end up like me. Not every one of us are
that extreme, I understand. But please don’t take
your sanity for granted. How I came back, how my
life transformed was, I learned how to take care of myself. Meaning that while spiritually
I am connected to God, but that is not enough,
that it is our purpose also to take ownership of our
mental and emotional health. So that’s where I learned how to do that. The tipping point of my
transformation is that, if I do that, I was giving,
I was giving in a way of sharing my story on Instagram. I was making food, doing
food art, and bento boxes. I was discovering, sharing
the art of fermentation, that’s important in my health. Sharing about energy,
good energy, you know? Sharing stories to encourage other people, while my life was still dysfunctional, I couldn’t work, I didn’t
really have a social life, but I was showing up on
social media to give. So what is the main bottom line here? Is that self-care is healthy when you are taking care of yourself,
and at the same time, you are giving and sharing too. In your own way, you can
share at your workplace the value you have received in your life. What do I mean? You don’t have to give a
presentation that is jaw-dropping to add value to your company. You can add value to your company with the good energy you bring. When you feel good in the morning, when you step into the office
and you smile at someone, and say “Hi, good morning.” When you are in the public transport, and you bring in the good
energy into that train box that you are in, you walk in, you look around because
you are so, you know, fine-tuned, you are so charged, in your inner being, spiritually. Not just that, but mentally, emotionally, you have good energy to bring. And it’s not like you need
to work hard for that. It’s just you. It’s just you. If you are someone who
regularly take care of yourself, by being with people who
also take care of themselves, mentally, emotionally, and they don’t just do it for themselves. When you have more,
when you water yourself, when your life is fragrant,
when your presence is fragrant, you can’t help but be a blessing to the people who are around you. You know? And it goes for your family,
your friends, your workplace. And it doesn’t have to be complicated, it can start somewhere. In fact this is where self-care is so fulfilling and satisfying. You feel good and you just
can’t help but give it away. And this is also the same
principle in how I got out of a six-figure debt in 14 months, while building a six-figure business. You know, I work less than ever, but the fulfillment level is off the roof. My income, my value, is off the roof. Why? Because the value I bring to
people is also off the roof. So because, oh, when you
get into this momentum of taking care of yourself,
of developing yourself, while giving to others, so
giving to others can be, I’m at the supermarket, I make it a point, I always want to surprise,
I found a game that I love, and it’s every time go to a grocery shop, I like to tip the people
who bag my groceries at a level where they are shocked. And I love it when they are
shocked by my generosity. In fact when I give it to them, I’ll smile at them, I’ll
look them in the eye, and you know these are the
people who are not seen, these are people who are
often despised by society, not cared about by society,
taken granted by society, but these are the people who need someone to know, am I still important? Am I still seen? Am I still heard? And that’s why I make it
a point, because I’ve been through those days when
I don’t feel significant, when I feel so useless, so nothing. You know 21 to 28, when I lost my mind, when I lost my emotional health. I didn’t work for eight years. I didn’t have a status. You know? I felt like a nobody. And at home I’m called useless sometimes. And yet, my first time, I’ll never forget, I gave a five dollar note to a man who is crazy on the street. He went around, running around, he was waving the five
dollar note in the air, and he was dancing. And that brought a smile to my face, at that time I was so
thin, I was skeletal, I looked like death on my face. And I really had a bad day. But that day I decided, I want
to make someone’s day today. And I didn’t have much in my bank at all, it’s like a few dollars, but I had five dollar note in my wallet. I wanted to go downstairs
and by food for myself, to find comfort food
and make myself happy. But I felt very inspired
and somehow drawn to give to that man. And I gave it to him and I
will never forget that day, it was 2014, and to this day, this little encounter has taught me that as I take care of myself, I can better care for others. And this is why I’m so
passionate about self-care. And this is my life practice today. And I want you to experience
that for yourself. Take care of yourself, give some away. Take care of yourself, give some away. So I challenge you to do that this week. Do something for someone as
you do something for yourself. Do something for yourself,
and do something for someone. It’s a wonderful cycle to be caught up in. If you haven’t joined my
Dream Girl Inner Circle free private Facebook
group, come and join me. And if you’re someone at a level where you want to do deeper
work in your self, you’re not satisfied with just
scratching on the surface, you want a radical transformation, you want to live your dream
life, but you don’t know how? Join me. Come and book a call with me, the Divine Woman Call
is a free strategy call, where you get on call with me and my team, to work out a plan on your next big step, and then if we have a
program that suits you, we will invite you to work with us. We have different investments
for different levels of personal growth investment. And you’re so welcome and I
look forward to see you again. Sending you good energy! Bye-bye.

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